Toast

My toaster is very old. It's a two-slotted kind. Silver. And by silver I mean cheap stainless steel. The slots are too narrow to put bagel halves in, unless I really squash the bagel halves flat. It doesn't brown the bread evenly, so I have to start the toaster out on the lowest/lightest setting. When it pops up, the bread will not be thoroughly toasted yet. Which is good because that gives me the chance to take the slices and turn them around, and also switch their places in the toaster slots. Then I hit the notch up to a slightly darker setting (because the toaster won't toast at the same setting it was just on; it must read "doneness" by toaster heat, not by an internal timer).

Depending on the type of bread I'm using -- If it's a lighter variety, sometimes the toast will actually eject itself all the way out of the toaster -- just like in the cartoons. Sometimes it will land on the floor (not a happy way to start the morning), or the windowsill (since the toaster is on a small table in front of my kitchen window). Occasionally it will land on the table itself. And, even more rarely, when I put a plate in front of the toaster, I have actually seen the toast pop out and land directly on the plate! THAT is pretty cool.

Another thing that happens about every third or fourth time I use my toaster, is that the little black plastic handle that's on the side, the lever you push down to start the toasting process, will fall off when the toast comes up, and the lever shoots up to the "off" position simultaneously. Usually the black lever will land on the table top. Occasionally it drops onto the floor or the windowsill, and I have to slide the table out from the wall in order to retrieve it.

I like my toaster, though. It has character. It's always a bit of a surprise to see which sequence of events will unfold after I press the lever. Will it toast evenly today? Will the bagel edges get caught on a heated coil inside, and create a horrible scorched smell, or will it come out right? Will the toast eject onto the floor, the table, or the plate? Or maybe it will just pop up and stay inside the toaster slot? Will the handle fall off, or will it stay on?

It's a wild card every day! I bet you don't have this much fun making toast.